darklittlestories:

boredmuse:

fictions-stranger:

darklittlestories:

Shit I’ve done lately during/after insomnia fuckery:

• written a weepy Thor-centric drabble wherein I forgot that for two whole ass canon films he hasn’t had TWO EYES with which to cry asddgjhfgjghjgh
• logged on to my pre-school through junior high best friend’s Facebook page to wish her a generic happy birthday and burst into huge gulping, gasping tears for… reasons? School days nostalgia generally makes me nauseous.
• glared at my insomnia medication and literally yelled WHAT IS THE POINT OF YOU? because my cave may as well be sound proof
• woken after three-ish hours of sleep with lovely summer poetry in my head only to lose it when a headache hit
• become so very extra, EXTRAAA ‘H’ as in ADHD and word vomit every thought that flitters through my skullclouds at my poor friends
• oVerREACTTTTTed to all of the things
• weep helplessly because there is seemingly no way to predict when my neurochemistry will just cackle at all attempts to treat my lifelong chronic insomnia
• FREAKED OUT because i’m actua human garbage after listening to ‘Children of God’ in the middle of the night, because I recommended it here recently and HOLY. FUCKING. SHIT. i’d totally forgotten this, but there’s an autistic kid in the story and it is HORRIFIC the way he’s treated. it’s trashhhhhhh. so, belated trigger warning. rational!Story knows i’m not garbage; i just have terrible retention and the writer had trash awareness. AND YET. 
• colorfully, lividly curse the writer of my favorite ??? novel for not understanding autism OR MOTHERHOOD UGHHHH seriously i still can’t cope i am sofuckingpissed 

Hey @darklittlestories. I am angry and sad that the author is trash but you are NOT GARBAGE ok? We all forget shit especially when dealing with ADHD and insomnia, give yourself a break luv! And also sometimes when we read or watched things a while ago we weren’t as aware of certain things as we are now, which is why often when we go back and re-read or watch we are horrified. We grow and learn constantly, we evolve like beautiful moonflowers, and the past is sometimes nasty but we pick ourselves up and learn. 

YOU ARE A LOVELY PERSON STOP BEATING YOURSELF UP OK

Yes to all of the above. I’m not diagnosed, but that sounds like the inside of my head. Incl. Calling myself garabage.

You’re not garbage. You’re a lovely humanoid.

Ahhh y’all are super sweet. That’s why this sentense is in there: “rational!Story knows i’m not garbage; i just have terrible retention and the writer had trash awareness.”

I know I’m not a “bad” person (to oversimplify the always-messy human experience) but eeshhh anxiety super has the brain controls in the middle of the night or after a night or three of shit sleep. I’m okay. ❤ I’m at least aware of the bad self-talk. Just sharing/oversharing the whole stream-of-consciousness.

Also? “

we evolve like beautiful moonflowers

“ “lovely humanoid”
these phrases!!! <3333